Letter to my Boss

If I was still working at my old job, this is the kind of letter I would write to my Boss during this world cup season; assuming that I am capable of doing this and I have written this with her in mind. In fact I should probably send this to her just for the fun of it. What do you say?

Dear Boss Lady,

Trust you are good? I know we are both busy so I shall cut right to the chase so we can both get back to work.

I am writing you this letter to inform you about the FIFA World Cup that has begun in the Motherland, Africa. The first time ever to happen on African Soil. This is no ordinary kind of football. This is the gathering of Football’s greatest and finest of which I intend to take in every waking moment.

Let me give you the dates of the world cup, it starts on the 11^th of June and ends the 11^th of July. So this is a whole month of football action at its best and since it comes around every four years the excitement is tremendous.

So let me state this for the duration of the world cup I shall come to work in the morning; however I shall leave much earlier than usual to go and watch the match. As you know, it is a thing of pride to sing the nation’s anthem so I intend to uphold my civic duty to all African countries by watching and singing the various anthems. I shall apologize in advance because I may show up at work a bit late some days. This will be determined by 2 major factors: the time the last match ends and how much alcohol is consumed due to either a win or a loss.

Now boss lady I know that you are not really into football which is fine. I myself love other sports with equal passion, like Tennis, Cricket and Basketball and I know you like some of these as well, but boss lady please I would like you to keep abreast of things, like not asking when a match is on; you say “so when is Man U playing”? Or is that David Beckham on the field wearing number 10? That would be known as stupid questions and you will be ignored for a month and your opinion will only be asked when totally necessary. Also don’t expect that we shall be 100% productive, we shall try and get the basics done but don’t push your luck in trying to force work especially when the Africans are playing.

Please be prepared to deal with our mood swings. Now depending on the game the night before, it will dictate the mood of the morning. So if England wins, I shall say something like this: “Yo morning boss, how are you? I am so happy; the 3 Lions did us proud. Yes Rooney and Gerard are the best. Would you like me to get you some coffee?” but if Nigeria loses, it may be like this: “morning boss” and that’s all you get for most of the morning. So, if you happen to know the results and you know my team lost, please do keep your comments to yourself unless I choose to talk about it.

Just to make things clear, since matches tend to start about mid day I will constantly be online to monitor goals and comments made about the matches on forum sites as well as twitter. I need to follow my fellow Nigerians’ comments as we Nigerians are known to have the best fun on twitter. So please let us not have the usual arguments about how ‘I can’t be online as I have to work’. It is essential that I be online. This is world cup season in Africa I repeat ‘I must not miss it’. So anytime past 3pm I will seize to be as efficient as I was earlier. From that time I will begin to wind down my work and prepare to slip out of the office to the nearest pub or rush home. Firing me is not an option because well, we know it is not an option, right boss?

Thank you very much for your understanding and I am looking forward to working with you while the biggest display of talent happens right on my continent.

Regards,

Odeli, Anni

My Crush

I had a crush on some guy and well..read on.

This is my attempt to write a poem

My Crush

The last time I felt this cool

It was most probably secondary school.

What exactly am I feeling??

I honestly don’t know.

All I know is I am giddy all over

It’s almost like being a kid again on Christmas morning.

My Crush

The first day I met you

You left a sweet taste in my mouth.

A smile on my face

No jokes but my heart did skip a beat.

Ahh!!!!

Whatever shall I do to retain a normal beat when I see you??

My Crush

Is this infatuation, lust or love?

I have no real idea.

It may appear since the first day I met you

I have been blinded by your features.

All my friends say I am besotted with you

And I don’t know what to do in this situation.

My Crush

My thoughts are getting deeper

Kai!!!

You don do me strong thing o

How when you walk by,

I get gingered by your swagger

Because no one else has got it like you do.

My Crush

I realise what I have for you is so big

But it seems you don’t know that I exist

I need to tell you how I feel

Yet somehow all courage fails me.

Why???

What have you done to me My Crush???

My Prime Minister resigned on Tuesday

I sat in my living room on a Tuesday evening generally lazing about. I had my Television on BBC 1, had the laptop on and suddenly my evening was interrupted. Why?? The Prime Minister was going to make a statement. So what I wondered? And then the bombshell was dropped. My prime minister was resigning. Chei!! This was major.

Why?? That was the question running through my head. Only the day before he had come out with a statement to say he would step down in September; so what happened in 24hrs? All these questions swarmed through my head as dear Gordon started to speak and he spoke. Gordon Brown talked about life in office, about how much he loved the job but he felt it was time to leave. Brown thanked his cabinet, our beloved Labour party and above all his wife Sarah Brown and their two boys. He paid tribute to the incoming government and the great British people. All in all Gordon Brown gave one of his best speeches ever.

As he and his wife and children took their final walk down Downing Street leaving house number 10, it was the final one as Prime Minister. He takes a drive just up the road to tell Her Majesty the Queen that he is resigning and within 20mins he officially ceased to become the premier. And we know the rest. The Queen then summons the leader of the opposition party and asks if he would form a New Government and he agrees thereby making David Cameron the new PM.

As i write this now i think about the last three years of Gordon Brown in power. A Prime Minister that was never elected by the people. Believe you me I wasn’t too excited when I found out he would be assuming office after Tony Blair but hey what can you do?? Mr Brown didn’t exactly have a smooth time in office as Prime Minister. Was it actually his fault that we had a Global recession? Was it his fault that unemployment is at its highest?? Was it his fault that all the things wrong that could happen to the UK happened?? Well I don’t know and even if I knew the answers to these questions I shan’t answer them.

We know many where against Mr Brown. Many didn’t think he was capable even inside the Labour party there was so much ruckus it almost split the party but he hung on. And when he finally called for the elections the opposition did not stop. After weeks of intense campaigning and live television debates Gordon hung on. From his awkward smiles and his funny hand positioning to his biggest gaff the Bigot Gate saga; Mr Brown and the Labour Party still trudged on till the last day.

So Gordon Brown leaves the position of prime minister the second most important job of his life to go back to the first job; being a husband and a father. I wish him well, the very best because I believe he is a great man. He was an excellent Chancellor of the Exchequer, one of the very best the Nation has had but above all, fault all you like he was a Prime Minister Of The United Kingdom elected or not.

Dear John

Hi you guys..

I wrote this piece a number of months ago but hey the fact to this hasn't changed.

Enjoy!!!




Dear John,
How are you today?? Trust you are good?? How is the new album doing?? Also heard you are going on tour soon, well hope you have a successful one.

Let me introduce myself. My name is Aninoritse Odeli-Serrano. Everybody calls me Anino or Anni pick your choice. I am a Nigerian by Birth living in England. A young girl still trying to create her niche in today’s society but remember this name because you will be hearing it again in the future.

How is Jennifer Aniston? I can’t really keep up with you two anymore. Are you two still an item or not? Anyway the real reason for me writing this is to find out a couple of things and basically to say my piece. Hope you are fine with that?

So tell me John what on earth where you thinking when you did that interview with PlayBoy?? Well what I heard is that you where drinking Lagavulin neat, now that is a brand of scotch that is touched only by the brave but after this interview, I take it that you are nothing but a wimp; a racist wimp at that.

Oh do forgive me, I tend to just jump to conclusions way ahead so I do apologize if I may appear to rash; but you have set the whole internet ablaze, most blogs are mad at you and as I type this you are the #2 topic currently on twitter at the moment.
Now John I am going to take excerpts from your PlayBoy interview and try and understand it in my own way.

PLAYBOY: If you didn’t know you, would you think you’re a douche bag?

MAYER: It depends on what I picked up. My two biggest hits are “Your Body Is a Wonderland” and “Daughters.” If you think those songs are pandering, then you ‘ll think I’m a douche bag. It’s like I come on very strong. I am a very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me.

Really John you think Black people love you?? No!! I think we love your music those of us crazy enough to buy it.

PLAYBOY: Because you’re very?

MAYER: Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’"

A Hood Pass? For starters honey we don’t give “Hood Passes”, if you are cool enough to hang with black folk then fine but surely we don’t have any of those. And who or what in God’s Great Name told you that you could use the N-Word?? Boy are you mad or just plain old crazy?? This stupid Hood Pass of yours i believe?? You do realise that no white man calls black people by that name and does not regret it?? You do know that? And of course you will never walk into a restaurant and be told they are full for 2 simple reasons:

1. You are John Mayer the guy who is the rock star that has dated both Jennifer Aniston and Jessica Simpson.

2. YOU ARE WHITE

PLAYBOY: It is true; a lot of rappers love you. You recorded with Common and Kanye West, played live with Jay-Z.

MAYER: What is being black? It’s making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted. Taking something that’s seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you’ll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude’s.

How on earth would you know what it is to be Black Mr Mayer? Last time i checked you were white!! So are you saying it is natural for all black folks to be strugglers? “Maybe your struggle is similar to one black dude”. Dude you best watch your mouth.

PLAYBOY: Do black women throw themselves at you?

MAYER: I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.

Really John Clayton Mayer your dick is like a “white Supremacist”?? Shame a lot of us black women won’t have the pleasure of knowing that. NOT!!!! How dare you sir. How dare you?? What is so... special about you? What makes you think you are what we want as Black Women? Well as luck would have it, a lot of us black women still prefer our own men and their dicks.

PLAYBOY: Let’s put some names out there. Let’s get specific.

MAYER: I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She’s superhot, and she’s also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she’d be like, “Yeah, I sucked his dick. Whatever.” And you’d be like, “What? We weren’t talking about that.” That’s what “Heartbreak Warfare” is all about, when a girl uses jealousy as a tactic.

You actually mentioned these names? You are such a fool. And Kerry Washington? Whatever did the woman do to you? You are so wrong. All these women you mentioned don’t have the time for white trash like you. There I said it. You are white trash and a racist one at that.

PLAYBOY: Among the things we’ve read about you online is this: You’re gay. Have you ever kissed a man?

MAYER: The only man I’ve kissed is Perez Hilton. It was New Year’s Eve and I decided to go out and destroy myself. I was dating Jessica at the time, and I remember seeing Perez Hilton flitting about this club and acting as though he had just invented homosexuality. All of a sudden I thought, I can outgay this guy right now. I grabbed him and gave him the dirtiest, tongue-iest kiss I have ever put on anybody—almost as if I hated fags. I don’t think my mouth was even touching when I was tongue kissing him, that’s how disgusting this kiss was. I’m a little ashamed. I think it lasted about half a minute. I really think it went on too long.

Do you really want me to dissect this answer? I think I’ll pass because lord knows what my tongue will possess me to write.

John there is no need you apologizing after you uttered all this. Don’t blame the alcohol, because it only loosened your tongue to say what was on your mind and we now know that you sir are a Racist. This isn’t the first time you have been called that if my memory serves me well Mr Mayer. Or have you forgotten Dec 2009 when you told Kumail Kabul that “he looked like a brown guy but sounded like a white guy” and this was said in public.

Common John we have had enough of your name dropped and racist’s comments. It’s high time you clean up your act or get lost. And as for believing you still have Black Fans and your “Hood Pass”? You might as well forget that.

Signed,

Odeli-Serrano Aninoritse
(Young Black and Proud)